1. Baby will be happy and content while naked. The moment you put baby in something sweet and clean, baby will ralph all over whatever is sweet and clean--including the mama.
2. Baby will have a growth spurt the moment you buy a new outfit--especially if you justified spending a little too much on a baby outfit because baby can wear it all season long.
3. Baby will go weeks--months even--without having a blowout until you are somewhere far from the comforts of home and are missing wipes and/or a diaper and/or a change of clothes. Then baby will poop all over everything within a 5 foot radius.
4. Baby will say charming things like "da-da" and "ma-ma" unless there are witnesses in which case baby becomes mute.
5. Baby will a) sleep through the night until you spend the night somewhere other than home. Then baby will spend the night in hysterics OR b) Baby will wake up every three hours at night until you take a "night off" and allow husband/mom the privilege of midnight tendings. Then the baby will sleep for 12 blissful hours (only to return to waking every three once you are back on duty).